Thursday, July 05, 2012

The bucket list of stupidity

Bunch of stupid things I have achieved/want to achieve before I die:
  • skydive
  • skydive on acid
  • smoke pot through a gas mask
  • smoke pot through an apple
  • eat space brownies
  • celebrate half-birthdays 
  • hire a stripper for a birthday. both male and female
  • a crucifixion suspension. or just get suspended in general
  • drink until I pass out publicly: falling off butter factory's podium, etc
  • drink 11 different beers in a day
  • shave the side of my head
  • dye my hair light brown so I can bleach my eyebrows
  • get a bikini wax shitfaced as fuck
  • walk home from work
  • drunk cycling 
  • go to rave and roll some sweet ass mdma
  • go to a rave. period. 
  • do cocaine with a $100 bill 
  • witness the amazing Northern Lights/aurora borealis 
  • go to the Great Wall of China and shuffle down the wall to Dash Berlin
  • go to London for everything Harry Potter and Topshop
  • get a full back, oriental tattoo that covers my ass 
  • extend and remove extensions (hair) more than 5x
  • actually had fancy, bling manicures and survived well in them
  • catch Chicago! The Musical and Moulin Rouge LIVE!!
  • meet Natalie Portman: to get her autograph and to tell her I've watch Closer more than fifty times 
  • drunk hitchhike
  • pay for a three-digit meal with nothing but coins
  • when I'm rich one day, go to a luxury boutique store in my sloppiest gear and buy a shit load of stuff and watch their jaws drop
  • learn how to skateboard so I can skate into people's ankles all day
  • live in San Francisco purely for the annual Gay Pride Parade
  • go to every gay parade in the world with a bunch of like-minded people and apologize to them for the way Christians treated them. Christians can be such cunts some times
  • change the way Christianity views homosexuality 
  • eat nothing but nutella and toast for two weeks in a row
  • go on a no-carb diet
  • run a marathon one day. as long as I finish it I'll be proud as fuck
  • buy a (female version) of a suit as close as possible to the one Neil Patrick Harris wears in HIMYM 
  • scalpel my earlobes 
  • finish reading a piece of literature daily for a whole month
  • skinny dip
  • do a half-nude photo shoot
  • fuck in the toilet during a flight so I can join the "mile high club" hahaha
  • own a pony. or horse. whichever
  • if I do get married I want a baby girl and I want to name her Hope
  • if I do get married, I want to direct the wedding photography and I'm going to make it so hipster that it gets 3,000++ reblogs on tumblr
  • get a massive tattoo (my full sleeve)
  • become a professional photographer at one point of my life. doesn't matter if it's food or landscape or portraits
  • learn to do a split so I can routinely surprise my friends by doing a split in the middle of anything: brunch, family dinners, queueing for the bathroom
  • become a fashion designer or a fashion boutique owner at one point of my life
  • bartend. plain ol' badass
  • pierce my nipples. super badass
  • fuck someone with pierced genitals
  • own shares in Marc by Marc Jacobs. only because I love them *so* much
  • watch Manchester United play home at Old Trafford 
  • watch Manchester United thrash any team... LIVE. 
  • go to a Manchester United themed bar and make friends.
  • go to Las Vegas not to gamble or for hen's parties, instead I want to eat at all the expensive restaurants on the strip
  • get my mom inked
  • get my brother inked
  • meet Anthony Bourdain and ask him how come he never gets fat from all that eating
  • eat at Hell's Kitchen and ask Gordon Ramsay why does he tweet weird. it's like he puts a space after a word before he enters the punctuation.
  • meet Peter Chow one day without his sunglasses 
  • met Infected Mushrooms and partied with them after their gig. had a lot of whisky shots, they were pretty damn decent and down-to-earth: also, did I mention they did not hit on anyone sexually? it was good clean fun.
  • read Trainspotting in original language and actually understand it (it's written in Scots, tried reading it last summer and my brain just failed me terribly)
  • scuba dive with someone I love just so I can tell them I love you underwater (and also make punny jokes)
  • adopt tons of cats from SPCA when I'm more financially stable so they don't have to die. also, crazy cat lady starter pack anyone?
  • become a psych. major at one point in my life. 
  • become an English major at one point of my life
  • study fashion design and lead the life of a flashy, bitchy arts student
  • go to fabulous parties and rub shoulders with celebrities and socialites
  • get an IV drip for hangovers, when I get a really bad one someday
  • donate blood. sounds like a lot of fun
  • expand my Hello Kitty shrine from shelf-size to room size
  • drink 4 cartons of milk in a day
  • pretend to be 12 and go trick or treating during halloween when I get to the States one day
  • gatecrash a high school prom because I've never been to a prom before. I skipped my junior high school prom because 1) I went to an all-girls school 2) I had no friends
  • eat a real turkey at a real Thanksgiving dinner
  • be able to wear a bikini bottom and not be self-conscious of my ass
  • when I buy my own apartment I want to decorate it with everything IKEA 
  • smoked hash through a bong really drunk and vomited in my homie's dustbin w/o a plastic bag....... and passed out on his couch. haha so classy
  • meet my biological father and tell him what an asshat he has been all these years and to never come back into my life again
  • give someone I love my kidney one day if they ever need it. or bone marrow. 
  • go to India to ski with yaks 
  • visit North Korea just to get the immigration stamp on my passport. and also to experience dictatorship
  • organise drag queen parties
  • own a llama 
  • get breast implants/enhancements. I want a D cup someday
  • live in a shitload of Victoria's Secret and La Senza lingerie
  • fly a jet fighter plane/helicopter
  • snowboard down volcano Cerro Negro in Nicaragua 
  • pee into the Niagara Falls and take a photo to prove it. still wish I had a penis though for better photography effect 
  • enter the Cage of Death in Australia not for the thrill but because I've always wondered how crocs look on a close up
  • train an eagle/hawk
  • climb the Eiffel Tower
  • learn archery so I can be Legolas for one day. or Hawkeye. doubt my aim will be as amazing but still sounds fun
  • play laser-tag
  • play laser-tag while rolling on mdma
  • play paintball
  • bungee jump at Nevis Bungy, New Zealand 
  • watched Steve Aoki live 7x in two years
  • fed alcohol by Steve Aoki
  • took a photo with Steve Aoki
  • caught Tiesto live. he was a disappointment. also he talks in third person, eg "let me play you some classic tiesto" wut?
  • speak Spanish fluently
  • catch Death Cab for Cutie live
  • catch Arcade Fire live
  • drink real absinthe (the illegal ones with wormwood) 
  • spray everyone with really expensive champagne. I've always wanted to shake and unscrew a champagne bottle so it gushes out like a waterfall!!! so much fun
  • be a sailor aboard a ship and live on the sea for a month or two
  • wear a fancy evening gown just to see how well it goes with my tattoos
  • fly first-class on Singapore Airlines or Cathay Pacific
  • fuck a bassist/drummer
  • fuck a doctor in his office
  • float around in the Dead Sea with a bottle of whisky 
  • go to Bangkok in Thailand and buy 6 luggages worth of clothes, shoes and bags
  • go to the Full Moon Party in Kho Pagan and go coconuts partying
  • go to Bali for a day just for amazing spa packages and coconut juice
That is all I can think of right now.... 

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