237 days later

I have finally returned to this neglected space. The space that used to be my outlet, the space that I used to unleash the emotional turmoils thrashing in my ribcage, translating them into words that could set me free from the heaviness of it all.
I've had a roller coaster ride in the last 237 days that I have not written.

Bruised eyelids have long healed, blood spilled have long dried up. My soul had been crushed and revived again, I have gained and lost friendships. I severed ties with my family, only to have them coming back begging for forgiveness and I surprised myself with my apathy and disgust of the play they have put up just to have me go home.
I have once again wandered into the garden of messy relationships, a butterfly flitting from roses to sunflowers to daisies and even stupidly, to ordinary weed grasses. In those 237 days, I have seen so much about the beauty and ugliness of humanity, and I have grown so much.

I turn 22 this year. A lot of people have told me that your 22nd year will be the hardest year to survive ---- that being the awkward age to be. Like being 17. Or 20. Legally an adult, yet I'm still a teenager. A young adolescent? I don't know.

In the 237 days I was absent from this space, too much has happened. I could not pen all of them down, the distressing details, the euphoric moments, the tears, the fears. I've never had such a roller coaster before, and I thought I had it bad.

Also, I experienced my first car crash, though fortunately I sustained minimal damage. My brain is still in a daze, a state of shock from the events that unfurled so violently within days, I was overwhelmed, and still am.

Ink: Explained Pt II x Debbie Harry

Okay a couple of cutie pies were guilt tripping me on Formspring to update my blog: but my life lately has been so juicy that I have to pick an off day so today we continue on the topics of my ink!

Today let's talk about my forearm---FAQ I get about this tattoo that irks me to no end.

• Who's that, is that Marilyn Monroe?
• Is that your face/your mom's face?
• Why doesn't she have a nose?
• Who is she? Who's Debbie Harry? 
• Omg Megan Fox has the same ink at the same place omg!!

Who did your tattoo?

Samuel Mudohori (again) to check out his works, here are links to his Facebook and Instagram (@mudohori)

Who is Deborah (Debbie) Harry? 

Walau. 

Deborah Harry, also known as Debbie Harry, was the lead singer of punk rock/new wave band Blondie (1970s mind you)

Okay, no---I'm not a big fan of Blondie. Neither am I into the 70s (more of a 50s fan, The Beatles!) 

One of the first few things that attracted me to her was the red lips in this particular painting: a shade I love to wear in lingerie, lips, and even manicures. 

I first noticed her as one of the faces of MAC Cosmetics; Viva Glam VI Campaign in 06'---I'm a diehard MAC lipstick fan and 2) every cent of the selling price of lipstick shades to the MAC AIDS Fund helps with people living with HIV/AIDS worldwide. 

Why tattoo her?

What cemented the decision to have her face inked permanently on my forearm was the things she had to say: 

• We probably, as primitive people, made music before we actually had a language, and that's where language comes from
• That was the impetus for me to do music or art, because I knew if I didn't try when I was young, then I would get to be in my 40s and I'd be really unhappy that I hadn't
• I have a lot of regrets, but I'm not going to think of them as regrets.
• Lately I've been believing that music predates speech.
• I'm a culture vulture, and I just want to experience it all.
• I wish I had invented sex.
• The only person I really believe in is me.

Music was very important to me growing up as a sully, emotional teenager. I grew up in a military band, and music was all I had: I was hardly the popular kid in school with bad braces, ugly ass hair and ugly slingbags. Most of my friends were in other classes: I barely had any in my own class. Music was my friend during those lonely recess hours of secretly smoking at the back gate or eating with random girls just so I don't look like a pathetic loner.

My favourite would be the one about regrets: it taught me how to take life easier and not beat myself over mistakes, to move on in life. It meant a lot to me, for someone growing up in an ugly childhood, for someone who made terrible terrible decisions and messed up big time. 

Is this a painting?

Yes.

I deliberately picked this photo instead of the colourful ones because I preferred how much more elegant and clean this looks: (this was done on Amiga 1000 by Andy Warhol, my favourite artist, in 1985: there's a video)

When did you get it done? 

Just a couple of days before my 18th birthday. It was a present to myself. :)

Where is it tattooed at? 

Right forearm

How badly does it hurt? How long did it take?

Didn't hurt a single bit. About 2 hours?

Alright, that's all for today----I'll try to update regularly :/ Sorry you guys had to wait so long!!!!!

Ink: Explained Pt I x Peacock

So someone requested on Formspring that I do a post on my ink, gee, those questions never end. Unfortunately I agreed so I'm going to do, but I'm splitting all of the posts up because I have an awfully short attention span.

So I'm going to start off with my sleeve --- the most prominent tattoo I have and the one that usually gets the most questions. 

Who did your sleeve?

Samuel Mudohori. I believe he is currently not with Gimme Love any more, only by appointment.  I've included a link to his Facebook page, if you want to get inked feel free to contact him!

Why peacock?

Sigh, I really hate answering this question. This is the last time I'm going to answer so OPEN YOUR EYES AND READ. THEN STOP ASKING ME. 

The peacock symbolizes integrity: don't ask me why, it just does, and that is something very important to me in my life. Also while growing up in an all-girls Catholic junior high, (CHIJ St. Joseph's Convent), our school motto was Women of Integrity. That meant a lot to me as I struggled through the rebellious phase of puberty, I was hardly a good kid: I'm unafraid to admit I've been busted for a slew of misdemeanors, inclusive of forgery and shoplifting (not proud of it, and don't do it kids, it's not fun sitting in lock-up) and I wanted to constantly remind myself of my lack of integrity in my younger days.

It also symbolizes truthfulness and a clean character - something which I still try to achieve. I'm ridiculously honest, don't know why either, and as for the clean character... On my way there! One of the beauties of life is its imperfection, because than we have something to perfect, no?

The peacock is also known as the bird of 100 eyes: foresight, ability to see the good in everything and all-seeing witness to hidden transgressions.

I've always known things unwittingly that made "ignorance is a bliss" something I wish I had. I'm not exactly the nicest person around, but I try to see the good in others, just as how my friends have always done so through my worst times: unjudgemental of my past and present actions, but believing that I am good, deep down. I am incredibly grateful for that and I wish to do that to others as well. 

It also represents resurrection: I think it is a known fact that I've struggled with depression for quite a while and I've had a few close brushes with death. 

I chose such fresh colors, deviating slightly from the tradtional blue and green for the tail feathers because I'm optimistic about the fact that even if we are born the same, at the end, we all turn out different. 

The cherry blossoms scattered throughout my arm kind of represents my birthday: 21 March. It basically symbolizes life itself, for cherry blossoms bloom in harsh conditions and climates (that's also what I felt myself to be: someone who becomes better through cruel situations) yet, paradoxically fragile at the same time because the flowers only last a few days and they quickly fall from the tree, landing in the snow: symbolic of how sometimes I could be so strong yet vulnerable at the same time. 

How much did it cost?

I won't reveal the full price because 1) I kinda forgot. It was quite a few years ago. 2) I was given a friendship price, so it's not nice to actually disclose... you know, cannot spoil market leh.

How long did it take you to finish the sleeve?

About a year. Or under a year. I think at least 10x sessions? I'm not too sure

Did it hurt?

YES YOU KNUCKLEHEAD OF COURSE IT FUCKING HURTS. Ask this question one more time and I sincerely hope you never reproduce. Pfff

Why did you choose to do such a big piece? Why not something small and subtle?

1) GO BIG OR GO HOME.

2) The significance of this tattoo is HUGE to me. Which is why it's so huge.

How did your family react? 

Elder brother: WOW SO BIG AH. Aiyo mama's going to kill you say real one

Mom: "£$"$%$£^&*@ (insert various other Chinese vulgarities) HOW ARE YOU EVER GOING TO FIND A JOB/HUSBAND?

Grandma: Wow, it's very pretty. Your arm is... really colourful. OooOoooOoo.

Exactly! Aren't you afraid you'd be unemployed?

Nope. I'm not exactly working an office job or looking to be a doctor...

But what about all those people staring at you on the streets?

It's a fucking fabulous piece of art, look all you want. I'm used to it by now anyway

Ever regret it?

Nope. 

You are so going to regret it, in 10 years time, or maybe 30, when you're all wrinkled and old.

Are you me? NO. So stop dictating my opinions. Also, they carry a heavy significance for me in my life experiences, so why would I regret it if it means so much to me? It's not like I got a barbed wire tattooed at age 14 for fun/drunk. I thought about this tattoo for almost 3 years, it's not an impulsive decision. 

Aaaaand that's all the FAQ I can think of right now, it's kind of 3 in the morning, so if you have anymore questions you think I will answer without blowing up from the stupidity of it, feel free to hop over to my Formspring. Stay tuned for the next few parts! I'm leaving my job as a bartender so I'll probably have more free time to write... Thank you all for reading. I am going to take a shit now, bye